Alla Karpenko was in a relationship with paratrooper Yevhenii Bazilevsky, who fought near Bakhmut, Donetsk Oblast. During the full-scale Russian invasion, Yevhenii served in the 46th Separate Airborne Brigade. He had served in hot spots in Ukraine since 2015.
On December 17, he was killed by a Russian shell. He was 27 years old. After the death of her beloved, Alla began keeping a public diary on her social media.
"The shrapnel flew right into your head, pierced your lung, and shattered your leg. As you said, bullets don't like you. But shrapnel and mines are following you. I won't believe in your death until I see it with my own eyes. As I go to take your body, there is still a lingering hope that it is some misunderstanding. That you in fact survived. No matter what Yehorka (the company commander) saw, he could be wrong," Alla wrote on the way to the Dnipro, where Yevhenii's body was taken.
I want to see you, take your hand and not let it go for a long time. To kiss your fingers, as you always kissed me. To hug the chest in which the heart beat so rhythmically when I hugged you for the last time. I have never cried in front of you. Sorry, I'm going to break my promise. But I still hope you're alive.
On December 13, Alla spoke to Yevhenii for the last time. Then they couldn't contact each other because he was on a combat mission. On December 17, he was killed in the line of duty.
"On December 13, I wrote to you that I really want to hug you. You said you did, too, but you had to take a shower first. In war, there are no showers, only wet wipes. You didn't see that message, but I wrote that I loved you even smelly and unwashed. That's how I'll see you today: bloody, dirty and mutilated. But I love you anyway," Alla wrote on Facebook.
Alla understood that her beloved had indeed been killed when she came to the morgue. A bodyguard held her in one hand so that she wouldn't faint, while with the other she stroked Yevhenii's cold body. "You're as handsome as always. Your head seems to be intact. But there are a lot of holes in your chest."
Alla wanted to hold Yevhenii's hand during the entire journey from Dnipro to Kyiv, but it was impossible because his body had to be kept refrigerated.
"I haven't cried since yesterday. I no longer have the strength for this. It's just a pity that St. Nicholas will give some sweets and gifts under the pillow to good girls, and I will get your death certificate."
The last time Yevhenii visited Alla, they saw two cats and kittens near a store. "Look, a small family of cats. Just like us, a small family", Yevhenii said to Alla as he hugged her.
Alla dreamed of celebrating Christmas with her boyfriend, because Christmas is a family holiday. But their small family was destroyed by a tank shell. "That day I died with you," Alla wrote.
10 days after Yevhenii's death, Alla finally came to accept the inevitable. She understood that no matter what she did, it wouldn't bring her beloved back. Now she wants only two things: to send as many of those responsible for his death as possible to hell, and to continue his memory forever.
This material was prepared with financial support from the International Renaissance Foundation.
